Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
