I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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