we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm always down for nudity.
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