his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize