i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
