I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
