we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
