Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
