Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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