omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize