every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
