Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
