My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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