I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
