Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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