So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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