12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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