Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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