Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
