i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My feet surprised me
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