Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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