I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
