It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
we're so committed to being not committed
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