this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
