In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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