i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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