I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
