just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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