I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize