she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
