apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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