Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
