Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
