Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The uberlube is also flammable
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
