just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
