i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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