so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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