so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
