im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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