I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
