No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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