why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
