I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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