Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
