So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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