she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
