it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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