so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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