So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
