And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
