she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize