I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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