Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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