i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
