He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
