sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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