He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
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adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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